40

Well, as of today I have reached the 40 year mark. I don't have a lot planned for the day, but I am taking the day off work. I think the three of us are going to just hang around home, or maybe go to a movie. I'm thinking that Jayson has something planned for the evening but I don't know what yet. He and Anthony have alluded to something happening, even though they weren't trying to. So, it should be interesting. As I mentioned in an earlier post, we're going to San Francisco this weekend. I'm looking forward to it and it should be a fun weekend. We've got a few things planned for Saturday, and then we're meeting an online friend of mine for brunch on Sunday. I can already tell that the weekend will be short, but that's OK.

I've been thinking about 40 for a couple of days now, and I really don't feel 40. I suppose no one does and I guess that's a good thing. I keep thinking of a comment a friend of mine made a few years ago. To paraphrase: when she was in her 20's she was living for the moment and didn't have time to think about who she was, when she was in her 30's she realized who she wanted to be, and in 40's she became that person. I'm hoping that in my 40's I become the person I know I want to be, and have already started becoming. That sounds really esoteric huh? Well, it's my birthday so I can be esoteric.

I really never thought I'd be 40. I also know a lot of people say that, but for me it was really true. I received my HIV diagnosis when I was 25, 15 years ago now. Back then no one knew what the future would hold for treatment. Because of that I thought that reaching 30 would be a real milestone, and it was. After that, I stopped counting time and 10 years suddenly went by. When I stopped counting, I let the the worry over it fade into the background, while still taking care of myself. I've not been sick a day in my life from the infection, and am confident that the same trend will continue. After I turned 30 I used to tell myself that I was living on borrowed time. Somewhere in the last 10 years that thought has completely vanished. I realized at some point that I'm not living on borrowed time, I'm simply living...this is my life, infection and all. I'm incredibly fortunate in many ways: I've been blessed with very good health, I have good friends, I have two wonderful partners, I have a loving and caring family that I'm close to, and I have everything material in life that I need and then some. I really have enough good stuff to last me two lifetimes, and I don't take a single bit of it for granted. Maybe that's one thing that living with HIV has taught me.

So, enough schmaltzy stuff. I'm going to enjoy my birthday, and our weekend away, and I'm looking forward to my 40's. Getting older, at least at this stage, is highly underrated.