Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Wasting Time at Work

A post from my partner got me thinking about some things today. In that post he talks about feeling isolated and about the desire to have more family members nearby. I realized that I'm definitely feeling the same thing. My closest relative lives 400 miles away and it's not easy to get to see her. Two of my closest friends live in San Diego and North Carolina respectively, so they're not easy to get to visit. I've got only a couple of close friends here, and I hope they know who they are. I sometimes think I value them even more than they may know. But, the rest of the people I interact with are just good acquaintances. Sure, they're good for a breakfast out together once in a while, but I can't and don't want to open up and share intimate details of life with them. Nor do I feel the kind of connection to them that would make them "family". I try to spend as much time as possible with my close friends, but we all have lives. It's sad to say, but at times it's lonely.

Straight couples can get married, have 2.1 children and grow their own families that way. So what if you can't see grandma and grandpa that much; the nuclear family is large enough that there's support in all kinds of situations. But what about gay men? How do gay men make their own family? Short of adopting kids it's just two people, assuming the couple sticks to the traditional role of what a "family" is. I don't think that gay men, and women for that matter, should be restricted by societal norms of only two spouses in a family. In my personal situation there is lots of appeal to having a larger family under one roof. With my hiv status it's possible that in the future I might need to be taken care of. But in that scenario with Jayson as my caretaker, who takes care of him? In my relationship I've always been the one who takes care of the finances, is the handyman around the house, and takes the spiders outside when they come inside. Basically I'm the "dad", and I've always enjoyed that role. With me not able to do that, I'd want to make sure that someone could still take care of Jayson. There's where a big part of the appeal to having a larger family under one roof comes in. Nice to know that he and I are on the same page with that.

So what's my point here? Not sure I have one. Just doing a brain dump.

It's hot as Hades in Seattle today. We moved up here from San Diego to get away from this shit and it followed us. I'm looking forward to fall already.

I also found out last night that it may be another 4 to 5 weeks before we get our new sail for the boat. Without that, we're not able to do any sailing. We can motor to places, but it's lound and just not enjoyable. It's a little like riding the chair lift down the mountain instead of skiing down. So, it looks like our boat is going to be a "harbor queen" this summer. At least we'll spend some time there enjoying it at the dock.  I'm mostltly 
frustrated with myself since I had all winter to order a new sail and found other things to do.


The JAFer said...

Its interesting that we've both come to find an active need/want for more family here. BTW, where is Hadies?

Trapper said...

I believe Hades is just to the East of San Francisco (I think it's called the Central Valley of California!!!) LOL